if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
ugly people sure do ruin things
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
