I think I died a long time ago.
no, he came in my armpit
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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