Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
