someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
