Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
