I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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