who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
