so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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