its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
