I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
