I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
