and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
