i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
