True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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