you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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