I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
