smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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