My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im having a threesome with these popsicles
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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