For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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