Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
