my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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