I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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