a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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