Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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