i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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