I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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