??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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