Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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