Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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