Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
