i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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