He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
