Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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