Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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