When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
