you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
