then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
