dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
