he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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