apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
