cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
