Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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