Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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