Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
