Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
