Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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