when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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