I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
