I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
