I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
