you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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