that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
