just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
