1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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