I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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