I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
