i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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