Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
