everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
